As I ponder this quote, I begin to reflect the many things I have had to let go in my own little world.
One such thing is death. Death is inevitable and I’ve had to let go of the notion that not everyone dies, 90 years old and comfortably asleep in their beds.

My mother, not even 50 years old, waiting for a heart transplant, died with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. Reduced to writing on a clipboard, we communicated hope to each other. We wondered with every siren we heard, if it was a new heart that would save her life.

Living with a non-curable and rare cancer, I have to think that in the end I will face my own uncomfortable death.
This is part of my world I’ve had to let go.
I cannot dwell in an unknown future and wonder what fate my cancer will bring.
I let go.
I choose to live my every day, one second, one minute, one hour at a time.

I also let go of all of the “what-ifs” in my world.
“What if I had studied something else instead of French?”
“What if I had learned the guitar instead of clarinet?”
“What if I had gone to this college instead of that one?”
These are games I often play and games I quickly try to get out of my head.
The past is something in my world I’ve had to let go.

We live our whole lives filled with anger, resentment, hurt and hatred, because we dwell in the past and what has happened in the past.
We live our whole lives filled with anxiety, fear and disappointed hope because we dwell in the future and worry what will happen in the future.
And because of this, our present moments, at work, at home, in the car, with our loved ones, at the store…all of the “now”, are affected by our past and future “dwellings”.

Emily Dickinson once said: “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.”

Life is good because those moments in the now will never come again.
Even if those moments are bad, thank goodness they’ll pass.
And if those moments are good, are you in the present to savor and appreciate it?

My life may not be what I dreamed, but life has surprised me in many ways.
I am grateful for being aware that my adversities become my blessings.
I am grateful that my failures have shaped me into a better person.
I am grateful for each present moment.
Letting go of the past, letting go of the future, letting go of a world of death.
It’s a good life.

Iain:
“So you think it’s okay to get him just because you don’t have rocket skis?”

Liam:
(laughing and Woody stomping on Storm Shadow’s chest)

Iain:
“Oh, I see, you think it’s funny to kill people?”

Me:
“Iain, he’s just playing, he’s not killing people.”

Iain:
“Well, I think it’s wrong that he thinks it’s funny to hurt my guys, Liam, what do you learn in church? Huh? You shouldn’t be laughing and Woody wouldn’t be hurting my guys, he’d be helping them.”

Iain is seriously getting angry at this point and in a panic fearing for his G.I. Joes. Liam is still laughing and flinging Woody around.

Iain:
“You know Liam, I think mommy needs to take Woody away from you.”

Liam:
“Nu-uh!”

Iain:
“Yes huh!, Okay, Liam, if you can answer this question, then she won’t take it from you, what is 9 + 3?”

Liam:
“Iain, I don’t know that yet, I’m still learning!”

Iain:
“If you don’t answer, Mom’s going to take Woody from you!”

Me:
“Iain, I’m not going to take Woody away from him, you just need to chill out, Liam come here.”

I whisper 12 in his ear.

Iain:
“Fine then, what’s 1+1 you have to know that!”

Liam:
“12!”

Iain:
“No it’s not it’s 2!”

Liam:
“NU UH!!! IT’S 12! Mommy just told me!”

Me:
“No Liam, it is 2. 9+3 is 12 but 1+1 is 2, you know that.”

Liam:
“But you told me 12, so it is 12!”

Me:
heavy sigh, gazing out of window…..

World’s worst teacher, homeschooler, mommy…….me.

Me:
“Liam, honey, you are much bigger now and coming to sleep with mommy and daddy doesn’t work anymore, we can’t all fit.”

Liam:
“But mommy I had a bad nightmare.”

Me thinking:
is there a good nightmare?
Me:
“Well, what was it about?”

Liam:
“Well, King Kong came and took me and threw me all the way to Goo-Goo’s house and then he came and got me again and played hot potato with me.”

Me:
“Well, that was nice of King Kong to play a game with you, did he say he was sorry for throwing you?”

Liam:
“No, he didn’t and after he played hot potato, he realized he was a big giant human in a King Kong suit and started to stomp across the states and scared people to China.”

Me:
“Wow, he must have been angry!”

Liam:
“Yeah, he was, I don’t want to play hot potato with him anymore, so I thought I would come in here.”

Me:
“Okay, you go sleep on mommy’s side of the bed, I’ll go talk to King Kong.”

Just as soon as I start my coffee.

Liam:
“Hey mommy, did you know that in 100 years, I’m going to be a teenager and you’ll be an old lady!”

Iain:
“Hey Liam, you know that there are teenagers who don’t know how to swim?”

Liam:
“Huh? I even know how to swim!”

Iain:
“Yeah, last year, there was an adult that drowned at the lake!”

Liam:
“A Dot?”

Iain:
“No!, an adult!”

Iain:
“Hey mommy, I’m getting into ‘Mad Scientry’! I’m going to go bald and just have white hair in the back that sticks up and wear crazy glasses and a lab coat.”

Me thinking:
and this has to do with drowning dots?

Me:
“So that is what you want to be when you grow up?”

Iain:
“Yeah, I’m going to be a Mad Scientist!”

Liam:
“I’m going to be a worker, maybe a spaceman, but I want to fly without anything.”

What aspirations! Where’s my coffee?!

I guess you could say it’s my ‘bucket list’.

I’m only 36, but I do have cancer and qualify for all of the things the government gives old people, so….yeah….I have a ‘bucket list’!

I am ‘RE’…I love that little prefix…’RE’-inventing my life.

Like a new birth, I have been ’spanked’ to awareness.

All around me, are other human beings going through hell and then making changes in their life for the better.

I would like to talk about these people I notice.

Some are personal friends and some are celebrities.

Today, I will talk about my “If I were a lesbian” crush, Rihanna.

Here’s a woman, in the spotlight everyday, dating an ass, who was also in the spotlight everyday.

News of domestic abuse from said ‘ass’,  whose name I refuse to mention, surfaces all over the tabloids and entertainment channels.

Now, 3 or 4 years ago, if that had been me, I would have been sucking my thumb in fetal position for 6 months.  I would have been ashamed, embarrassed, worried of what others might think.

But now, I will take a lesson from Rihanna,  who has re-invented her life since that dreadful day.

Rihanna did not hide under a rock.

She made sure justice was served, and then she held her chin high and rolled on with her life.

I am inspired by her courage, her strength, her awesomeness, her ability to kick some ‘ass’ with her music.

I hope you are too!

Click here to watch Rihanna kick ass!

In fact, I’m pretty sure that is the reason I homeschool, so I don’t have to wake at the crack of dawn to get my kids fed, dressed and on a bus!

But I will tell you, that for Yoga, I was up at 6 am!

I woke up before anyone else in my family, even Iain.

It felt great to be awake and ready to go with my day and I’m thinking that I need to wake up this early every day.

I’m ashamed to say, however, that morning flatulence runs in my family.

I remember hearing my mom set off her own bombs while I was getting ready for school.  I used to think:  “My God that woman farts like a dinosaur!”  And here I am now, THAT WOMAN!

Believe me, the second I put my feet on the floor, the rumbling begins!

I cannot tell you how hard I try to be modest and classy, but I can only thank God that Alex ignores it now.

Hey, love me, love my gas.  Marriage can get too comfortable sometimes!

So I’m sitting in Yoga this morning and everything’s melting.

I mean, I’m visualizing my muscles melting into the floor and I’m trying hard to breathe and to really look like I know what I’m doing.

While in ‘child-like’ pose, my belly draping between my knees, I just knew I was going to blow!

So instead of visualizing relaxation and meditating on ‘positive’ energy, I’m tightening every muscle in my body and thinking about the ’stinky’ energy ready to be released.

‘Come on Krysti, keep it together’, I’m silently praying.

Talk about stress!  It’s bad enough that I’m trying to release the stress in my life and now I’m replacing it with the fear that I’m going to fart so loud that while everyone is doing the ‘praying mantis’, I’ll be knocking them off balance!

My friend has re-assured me today that everyone gets the urge to fart in Yoga.  It just takes one fart to open that channel for everyone else.

Well, maybe I’ll be that one person.

I’ll keep you posted!

Namaste!

Walking to the car one sunny afternoon, the kids and I spotted a very dead and squished squirrel on the road.  After closer inspection, of course, this is the conversation that followed:

Liam:

“Flies eat poop and they’re eating that dead squirrel.”

Iain:

“Yeah, who would want to eat a dead thing?”

Liam:

“Who would want to eat poop?!”

Iain:

“Well, some people kill animals and then they save the bodies.”

Liam:

“oooooooo gross!”

Iain:

“Yeah, they clean out all their guts and stuff.”

Liam:

“Like their brain and stuff?”

Iain:

“Yeah, they throw it out.”

Liam:

“oh, they throw it out the window?”

Iain:

“No, in a trash can.”

Liam:

“Gross!  Who would want a brain in their trash can?!”