krysti.net

“The world is won by those who let it go.” -Lao Tzu

As I ponder this quote, I begin to reflect the many things I have had to let go in my own little world.
One such thing is death. Death is inevitable and I’ve had to let go of the notion that not everyone dies, 90 years old and comfortably asleep in their beds.

My mother, not even 50 years old, waiting for a heart transplant, died with a breathing tube stuck down her throat. Reduced to writing on a clipboard, we communicated hope to each other. We wondered with every siren we heard, if it was a new heart that would save her life.

Living with a non-curable and rare cancer, I have to think that in the end I will face my own uncomfortable death.
This is part of my world I’ve had to let go.
I cannot dwell in an unknown future and wonder what fate my cancer will bring.
I let go.
I choose to live my every day, one second, one minute, one hour at a time.

I also let go of all of the “what-ifs” in my world.
“What if I had studied something else instead of French?”
“What if I had learned the guitar instead of clarinet?”
“What if I had gone to this college instead of that one?”
These are games I often play and games I quickly try to get out of my head.
The past is something in my world I’ve had to let go.

We live our whole lives filled with anger, resentment, hurt and hatred, because we dwell in the past and what has happened in the past.
We live our whole lives filled with anxiety, fear and disappointed hope because we dwell in the future and worry what will happen in the future.
And because of this, our present moments, at work, at home, in the car, with our loved ones, at the store…all of the “now”, are affected by our past and future “dwellings”.

Emily Dickinson once said: “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.”

Life is good because those moments in the now will never come again.
Even if those moments are bad, thank goodness they’ll pass.
And if those moments are good, are you in the present to savor and appreciate it?

My life may not be what I dreamed, but life has surprised me in many ways.
I am grateful for being aware that my adversities become my blessings.
I am grateful that my failures have shaped me into a better person.
I am grateful for each present moment.
Letting go of the past, letting go of the future, letting go of a world of death.
It’s a good life.